Like so many other step-parents, you were placed into a seething stew of teenage girl hormones and told to sink or swim. You swam, therefore you survived, but not without a lot of hurt. Your daughter was not able to understand that you were the gift, not the gorgon.
Thank you for the rawness of your emotions. The anger. This is what needs to see the light more often. Relationships are not clean, nor are they tidy. They hide behind the performative. I would say you are brave, but that is too trite and far too easily dismissed. You are perfectly human, and you have pulled the curtains back on that. That is what makes the best and most powerful prose… and the best healing, however that is defined
Thanks Eagle. It’s entirely uncomfortable to know I will grow, to know I’ve done things terribly, yet be in between both like the messy human I am. I’ll get better, I’ve been worse. All sorts of judgements can be applied. What I write might sound like judgement of self but it is the closest I create towards self compassion.
To the contrary. It didn’t sound like anything but pain. Pain, not from loss, but from growing self awareness and moreover increasing self acceptance. The night is always darkest before the dawn. It is also the stillest, and it is in the still that we finally decide to step into growth. I hope you get to a place where you accept the comfort that comes with growth. For it means you are alive and still striving.
Grief and its scars are merely proof of the depth of love, even if it was theoretically flawed. Forgive yourself for being human, for making choices that felt like mistakes, for missing moments that you wish you could do over. She lives on because you keep saying her name. Go stream Macklemore’s Glorious. I quoted it in my mother’s eulogy last November. Resilience comes from places we least expect it
Oh my. Your raw honesty…thank you. I’m so deeply sorry for all you experienced.
I'm sorry it was so rough.
Thank you for writing about the grief that comes with a complicated, painful relationship.
You’re welcome. Lots of nuggets in there!
Like so many other step-parents, you were placed into a seething stew of teenage girl hormones and told to sink or swim. You swam, therefore you survived, but not without a lot of hurt. Your daughter was not able to understand that you were the gift, not the gorgon.
I’d thought I’d be home free since she was in my care from six years old. As my mum would say, tough titty.
hard stuff, well written, it seems weird to say thanks, but thanks.
You’re so welcome.
Thank you for the rawness of your emotions. The anger. This is what needs to see the light more often. Relationships are not clean, nor are they tidy. They hide behind the performative. I would say you are brave, but that is too trite and far too easily dismissed. You are perfectly human, and you have pulled the curtains back on that. That is what makes the best and most powerful prose… and the best healing, however that is defined
Thanks Eagle. It’s entirely uncomfortable to know I will grow, to know I’ve done things terribly, yet be in between both like the messy human I am. I’ll get better, I’ve been worse. All sorts of judgements can be applied. What I write might sound like judgement of self but it is the closest I create towards self compassion.
To the contrary. It didn’t sound like anything but pain. Pain, not from loss, but from growing self awareness and moreover increasing self acceptance. The night is always darkest before the dawn. It is also the stillest, and it is in the still that we finally decide to step into growth. I hope you get to a place where you accept the comfort that comes with growth. For it means you are alive and still striving.
Grief and its scars are merely proof of the depth of love, even if it was theoretically flawed. Forgive yourself for being human, for making choices that felt like mistakes, for missing moments that you wish you could do over. She lives on because you keep saying her name. Go stream Macklemore’s Glorious. I quoted it in my mother’s eulogy last November. Resilience comes from places we least expect it
Ufffffffffff 💔💔💔💔❤️🔥
Wow! You can write! I'm so happy I clicked on the email.
Thanks Terri! I needed to hear that in just that way!